WifeSwap Vampire Edition
by ipoked-KiraandEdward-andlived
Summary: Ok so Emmett has an idea to do wife swap because it's summer and he's bored lol I'm crap at summarys sorry. Erm its set after Eclipse and before Breaking Dawn
1. Emmett Needs Bitch Slapped

**Dont worry guys I'll still be writing Nessie's in love! But well I was watching wife swap and it just gave me an excellent idea Heh Heh :D**

**Disclamer: As I always say I don't own Twilight, Edward (My plan will comence soon!) or any of the Characters!....Emmett stole my DVD Camcorder :'( ESME MAKE HIM GIVE IT BACK!**

EdwardPOV  
I could be back at my Bella's house. No Emmett has called a family meeting. I'm missing out on listening to her dream for another episode of Emmett's Crazy Idea Time

AlicePOV  
He's buying a DVDcamcorder. What on Earth does he need one of those for! EW THATS DISCUSTING BAD METAL IMAGE! No not a vision just a thought of what he COULD use it for!

EsmePOV  
Emmett better not be up to something thats going to ruin my house again. Like when he got the idea of playing fire ball from Friends in our house in Denali. If it wasn't for Eleazar holding me back, that ball would have gone...

RosaliePOV  
Urgh my hair smells. I could be washing it upstairs right now instead of waiting for him. Its an embarrassment sat down here right now with my hair like this!

EmmettPOV  
I burst through the door big grin on my face. Edward didn't look happy hahaha I've hidden my thought's so Eddie can't read them muwaahahahah. I put the camcorder bags out in view "Ladies, gentlemen and Edward" He growled aww poor Edddie "Since it's summer and we have nothing else to do I have decided that we the Cullen Clan should join the Denali clan. And do a Vampiric Edition of Wife Swap. Yes Esme we're swapping you with Tanya!"

CarlislePOV  
...OH DEAR GOSH WHAT HAS HE DONE!

JasperPOV  
SEND OUT CALMING WAVES! SEND OUT CALMING WAVES!

EmmettPOV  
"How cool is this gonna be!" I yelled.


	2. Esme Can Actually Do A DeathStare :O

**I no I only put up the first one about 10/20 mins ago but I don't like it when people do tiny Chapters like I did n then wait like 3/4 days before putting the next bit up so here you go**

**Oh by the way my MSN is on my PROFILE now if anyones bothered**

**I'm going to dedicate this chapter to xoxo1993 Cuz she's my first reviewer :D**

**Disclamer: I dont own Twilight, Edward (hehe plan will comence soon) or any of the other characters. Dam it I said give it back Emmett!**

EmmettPOV:  
"Oh c'mon guys! It's not that bad, were gonna have these camera's up for two weeks and we get rid of Esme for both of them." I seem to be the only one smiling. Look of death from Mother-dearest, my bad! "Joking Esme. Well I've sorted it out now so theres no going back"  
Alice stopped in her tracks and got her vision face on, haha that always cracks me up. The looks a cross between constapated and the time i threw her favourite cocktail dress in the fire with Eddie's books. Haha i told em I was cold.  
"Tanya will be here in half an hour with her bags." They all looked at me.  
"Uh about that. I told her it starts as soon as possible so Esme you might wanna write the rules for this week and go pac-." She was already up the stairs growling. The others just gave me the death glare and walked off including Rose...I'm so not getting any tonight am I.  
"Emmett what exactly are you planning on doing with this 'Episode' after the two weeks are up?" Carlisle asked me pained.  
"Nothing really...unless i keep the funny bits to embarrass people like Eddie when him and Bella tie the knott next month." He let out a loud growl from his room "Aww don't worry Eddie; my little sis'll be on the tapes as well you might wanna pick her up."  
Edward was at the bottom of the stairs quicker than usual "You Brought Bella Into This Aswell!?!"  
"You didn't realise? Though you said you could read mind-" He picked me up.  
"Edward don't smash the" Eddie threw me right through the doors, oh Esme's gonna kill him, haha when she gets back that is "door!" Carlisle sighed holding the bridge of his nose.  
I picked my self up "Dam it Edward I'm not a dog you can throw outside. You have Jacob for that sort of stuff." I laughed. Edward just walked off muttering something that not even Vampire hearing could pick up. He kissed Esme on the cheek and flitted off to get Bella I'm guessing.  
The other three trailed down the stairs just behind Esme. Carlisle stood in the corner with a broom. AHAHAH he looked just like one of the guys with the mop in WallMart.  
"That BETTER be the ONLY thing broken when I get home." Esme growled through gritted teeth wow she's PMSing today. She took her car keys from the bowl, we all kissed her good bye and she left. I turned back to the other 4 "Sooo who wants to help me set the Camera's up?" They all groaned and stalked off back up to their rooms..dam it. Guess I'll have to do it myself.

BellaPOV  
Where's Edward tonight. The one night Charlie goes to bed early Edward's not around.  
"Hello love." His velvety voice startled me so much I fell of the bed, but of cause he caught me. His eyes were nervous.  
"Edward what is it. Whats wrong." I paniced. Please say he's not going! I gripped him tighter.  
"Hush love it's not bad. Well to bad." He Growled at some far off thought "Emmett had an idea." Oh great another one of Emmett's hair-brained scemes again..what joy. Last time he decided to kidnap me for ransom. "He's making a Wife Swap episode and he's swapped Esme for Tanya. Since your part of the family now you've gotta come round for a while"  
I gripped my head board like a 2 year old "NO!" That's what I need Tanya there! He easily loosened my grip with a kiss....stupid super hot vampire fiance!


	3. Evil Plans,Peanut Butter,GH2 & Milkshake

**Next Chapter is up people! I know it's not that funny but whatever lol ALSO if you have time check out my other story Nessie's In Love because that's my main one people. Don't worry I'm not after reviews lol**

**I dedicate this chapter to LittleMissCrazyJasperHaleFan, bellamarieswan1987 and Callie-Cullen,**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any of the other characters. I got my camera back but not without a video of Emmett dancing to My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas...not nice!**

Day 1 Of The Swap  
TanyaPOV  
I have know idea how Emmett talked me into this but alas it makes a change from Iriana's sulking constantly about Laurent; good luck Esme my dear.  
Wow very nice house. I see why the Cullen's came back here, it has a lot of space. I walk in and the smell hit me; I held my nose and wafted the air. It smelt like wet dog but much worse! How does Esme allow this, usually she'd have air-freshener in here straight away! On the dinning room table was a small booklet and a camcorder of sorts.  
_Tanya,  
'Cause I know your too old to understand the wonders of technology_ ~ Metal note beat Emmett when I get my hands on him ~ _go round the back of the camera (The thing on the table) and press the RED button twice to turn it on, the blue button to put record on. DON'T MOVE THAT CAMERA AN INCH. Then do the same when you've finnished reading the booklet!  
Em_  
I did as he said and sat down opening the booklet;

_Dear Tanya,  
I'm SO sorry you got roped into this as well. Give Emmett a clip-round-the-ear-hole for me when you get chance._ ~ Already planned ~ _He only told us half an hour before you arrived. Well first off, Edward has not long aquired a Finance? Bella Swan. I'm sure you'll get to know her when you meet the rest she is a lovely girl who is now part of our family. She is HUMAN and has an unbelivably strong scent so be warned! Secondly Bella's best friend Jacob Black was a frequent visiter and pain until they announce their engagement and has since disapeared. We are execting a visit from him at some point so if you see an over sized Russet coloured wolf around the ground or forest don't kill it as, well Jacob Black turned out to be a werewolf who helpped us in our problem not long ago._ ~So that explains the smell. I can't believe they would affilite themselfs with those creatures~  
_Now on to rules:  
1. Emmett is NOT aloud to do anything stupid in the house (So thats most things out of the question), if he starts to kick him right out or send him to Rosalie  
2. When hunting drink till you completely full. Trust me around Bella you'll need it! Also hunting area's will be point out by Carlisle and the children  
3. Don't let Emmett near ANYTHING sugary. I know we don't eat human food but Emmett will and then go on a sugar high  
4. Don't let Rosalie wear anything TOO revealing. Or you end up with the sounds for hours on end comming from her and Emmett's room  
5. Remind Edward that when Bella stays over he must feed her  
6. Have Edward keep a check on Emmett's mind because he's likely to pull some form of prank  
7. NEVER EVER BET AGAINST ALICE!  
I think that's it really. You know what my life is like. So have fun and DON'T remember what I said about Emmett.  
Love Esme_

They certainly have their hands full; Werewolves and humans. Always around that's quite strange. Edward and a human? I'll never work, in the 100 and odd years I've been alive I've never heard anything so stupid! I'll prove it to him.

BellaPOV  
This is NOT good. I'm stuck with a Vampire who liked Edward but never got him, I know she'll be invited to the wedding anyway but she can't do much then.  
"OK she's read it." Edward whispered, we were in the woods outside but with her hearing she could of heard us.  
"Lets go then people!" Emmett boomed. Obviously he's not bothered if she hears us. He put his hand out "Ok everybodys hand on mine then on three we throw our hands up and say 'Team Cullen'." We just looked at him, I never realised how crazy he could be. "I said everyone's hands in. Don't make me make you." Silence "Fine. Ahem. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! And their like It's better than yours, DAM RIGHT it's better than yours. I can teach you but I'd have to..." He was dancing, this..this is worse than when he kidnaped me. He was singing and dancing.  
"Make him stop somebody make him stop!" Jasper cried. _My Milkshake, yeah my Milkshake_ Oh he's shaking his butt now. "FINE!" We all threw our hands on top of each others as quick as we could "My milkshak- Seee wasn't that hard was it! 1, 2, 3 Team Cullen!" The horror was over now i uncovered my eyes. We all set off to the house I was on Edward's back again.

"Hey Tanya!" Rosalie hugged her first. Emmett was stood there with his camera and a microphone;  
_Day one of the swap, the kids meet their Mother of the next two weeks_ One by one the hugged chatted quickly with her now it was mine and Edward's turn.  
"Tanya." He hugged her a little to long. This isn't going to be fun.  
"Ah Edward. So nice to see you again you should come visit us again in Denali. Eleazar has missed talking about Piano's and classical music with you"  
"Well once the weddings over and done with we shall come; Bella and I." I nodded but she held out her arms for a hug. She hugged me a bit to tight but that might be something to do with her not used to hugging humans "It's lovely to meet you Bella." I could tell she didn't mean that and I saw Edward's hands ball up into fists a little, not good. I held one of his hands and he calmed down a little.  
"Nice to meet you to Tanya. Are you comming to the wedding then?" Say no, say no.  
"Yes of cause. I'll be attending with the rest of the clan." I knew she'd say yes.  
"Good to hear. Well I'll see you later on." Edward scooped me up and I just about had time to wave goodbye before he run to his room.

EmmettPOV  
_It seems like theres going to be some tension in THAT realationship over the next two weeks!_ I said into the microphone loud enough for it to pick up but not enough for anyone else to hear. Haha me so sneaky.

Day 2 Morning

Eddie's Bedroom CamPOV Bella is cuddled up in Edward's arms on their bed  
Bella: Face it Edward she's going to plan something  
Edward: Bella she is not, nor is she going to plan anything. She knows better

Pixi's Lair CamPOV  
Alice is shifting through a bunch of clothes in her underwear. Jasper is sat on the bed fully clothed drooling  
Alice: Jazz she's planning something*No answer* JAZZ!  
Jasper: *stops drooling* What..Oh, I didn't get any bad vives off her  
Alice: Well I can see her options. One is throwing Bella off the roof when Edward goes hunting another is kidnapping Edward when Bella's at home.  
Jasper: Well I- *Chrashes from downstairs*  
Jasper: Should we go check that out?  
Alice: No. I have other plans *In sexy lingerie*

Games Room CamPOV ~ Just before Pixi's Lair  
Emmett on Guitar Here Two. Song Dead by My Chemical Romance. Rosalie on Bass  
Emmett: *Singing* Your dead! Taken from your hospital bed. Wouldn't it be grand! It ain't exactly what you planned! *Stops singing and looks upstairs* Haha Edddie this songs about you! Oh crap no. No. ARGH!! Why did I put it on hard!  
Emmett throws guitar at wall because he lost the game  
Emmett: How'd you like me now *jumping up and down on the guitar*  
Rosalie: *Sigh* Emmett that's the third one this month!

Old Dude Lair CamPOV ~ Just after Games Room  
Carlisle sat at desk in study  
Carlisle: Emmett if you carry on thats the last one you'll have! *Vampire Mutter* It's like havving an immortal child in the house!  
Pulls a book 'Religion Leaders In England In The 1600s' from the shelf behind him. A yellow substance dripping from the book  
Carlisle: EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN WHY IS THERE PEANUT BUTTER DRIPPING FROM ONE OF MY BOOKS!

Interview CamPOV  
Tanya: So while everyones preoccupied the first stage of my plan will commence! AHAHAH


	4. Delays

**NOT A CHAPTER BUT I NEED TO APOLOGUISE! CHAPTER IN THE NEXT FEW HOURS**

**Ok so I wanna apologuise that i haven't updated either story in the last two days. There is a good reason! Basically I have 7 cousins ranging from 2 - 21 who are round my nan's house EVERY day of the week. I livving with my Nan until my mates are ready to move out (Were only 18 lol) and my Nan is 82 but is like a 40 year old trust me.  
Anyway one of the idiots broke our back door which ment we couldn't lock it! No chairs in the house were big enough to fit under the hadle so we simply shoved a broom under it LMFAO.  
To make things worse our house phone went dead; no dial tone nothing. And olny my 8 year old cousin Alex had credit on his mobile/ cell (for the americans) phone and it had no battery, Alex didn't have his charger.  
So I made us all take sharp objects and things to bed with us just in case.  
Getting to the point I stayed up that night on watch till 8am. Ya know going round the house, practicing my Kung-foo (Yes I have done Kung-Foo) just incase someone got in and had a nasty ass-whooping :D.  
Nothing happened though luckily (I was abit annoyed I wanted to go all Bruce Lee on an intruder) no one came through.  
So thats why I've only just updated sorry Lmao**

**Also if you've been reading Nessie's In Love you know I usually update twice a day.  
Well since I've started WifeSwap Vampire Edition I'm not going to be able to put up two chapters for each story a day ( I know I do usually sit on my arse all day anyway) so I'll just put a chapter up each a day from now on unless I feel like being really nice or people keep pestering me lmao.  
Note: That isn't a sneaky way of asking for reviews because I don't believe in begging for them lol**

**So like I said I'll update in a couple of hours since It's youth meeting at church tonight (Its not what it sounds like TRUST me. We did a play and ripped off the XFactor the other week I was Simon Cowel Heh Heh :D)**


	5. Perverted Shower Camera

**Hey guys like I said before sorry about the delay! All Emmett named all the camera's lol just incase you wondered why they all had stupid names. 'Geriatric's Room' is just another joke to Carlisle and Esme's room cuz they're old so sorry if it offends are one I don't mean it to!  
Sorry the chapters short I just wanna leave it on a cliff hanger. Me so evil Hehe Heh. I'm feeling kinda nice so if you're good I might update again tonight :D**

**I dedicate this chapter to the singer Skye Sweetnam ( Check out her music it rocks. Songs: Babydoll gone wrong, human, Part of your world Trust me her cover is so cool! ) because I'm listening to her music right now**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward (Note to self: Kidnap at midnight) or any other characters. Don't play Rock Band with Vampires when they win they rub it in you face and when they lose they- Emmett PUT the drums down! No, no, no, no don't throw them out Nessie's window Chrashh GRRRRR!**

Day three  
Geriatric's Room CamPOV  
Tanya is sat on the bed with pad and paper. Emmett walks in.  
Emmett: Tanya you wanted a word with me?  
Tanya: Ahh Emmett take a seat please *Pats bed*

Human's Bathroom CamPOV  
Bella attemps to get into the shower but fails by falling backwards.  
Bella to self: Is that a red light?  
Gets closer to the Camera and pokes it  
Bella: EDWARD THERE'S A CAMERA IN THE SHOWER!  
Edward bursts in breaking the door throws a towel round Bella and rips camera from wall growling camera goes off

Front Room CamPOV:  
Jasper and Emmett sitting on sofa feet on coffee table  
Emmett: Jazzz I want a pet.  
Jasper: Emmett we've discussed this before haven't we and what did I tell you?  
Emmett: That I'm not responsible enough for a pet because I forget that Bella is a human and can be hurt when throw 30 foot into the air  
Jasper: Yes so what AREN'T you going to do?  
Emmett: *sigh* Buy a puppy  
Growling coming from the stairs  
Edward: Emmett Cullen you pervert! Why was there a camera in my bathroom!  
Emmett: Gotta go  
Emmett jumps over the sofa and out through the just fixed door. Carlisle sit the screwdriver where it was when he was screwing a nail into the door  
Carlisle: I JUST FIXED THAT DOOR DAM IT!  
Jasper: *Face palm*

Interview CamPOV  
Bella holding the camera looking nervous  
Bella: I'm scared! Rosalie and Alice have gone shopping for once I wish they'd taken me. Edward's out turning Emmett into Vampire dust and Carlisle took Jasper to get a replacement door, AGAIN. So I'm here with-  
Tanya but not in camera view: Bellla, where arrre you?  
Bella: I told Edward she was planning something and he didn't believe m-.  
Tanya grabs Bella and pulls her out of the camera view kicking and screaming  
Bella: Help! Help! Hel- *Voice muffled*  
Two minutes later Tanya comes right up to camera grins evily and turns it off


	6. Tanya Can Act Sexy

**Heres your promised chapter! Hope it doesn't disapoint**

**This is for Callie-Cullen and BellaRoseSilverMoon (No it wasn't annoying I'm like that XD) becuase they might set rabid Werewolfs on me while I sleep if I don't update tonight XD**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any of the other Characters**

Front Room CamPOV  
Carlisle stood looking proud of fixed new door. Emmett is coming towards it at vampire speed. Carlisle opens the door and throws Emmett to the floor.  
Carlisle: Break that door ONCE more and I'll have Rosalie shipped to Denali WITHOUT you  
Emmett: Kk fine pops just lemme in the house before Eddie gets a hold of me  
Carlisle gets up pulls Emmett up and they bothe walk into the house leaving the door open for an aproching Edward Carlisle *tired voice*: What have you done this time Emmett?  
Emmett: Well in WifeSwap they have camera's in every room  
Carlisle: No Emmett they have them in almost everyroom. Your thinking of an English show (I don't know if they have this in other countrys) called Big Brother  
Emmett: Ahh ok I'll take some down. Anyway they're in the bathrooms including the one Bella uses and she found one.  
Carlisle: *Face Palm*  
Edward enters givving Emmett the hairy eyeball  
Emmett: S'ok Eddie I'm taking the bathroom ones down I promise Edward *growl*: You'd better. Anyone seen Bella?  
Carlisle: Nope not since a eariler when she came down to eat  
Edward leaves. Jasper out side stairing at the roof  
Emmett: Jaspers finally gone over the edge. Hey Jazz that a big thing they call the sky  
Jasper: No Emmett I'm trying to work out why Bella is sat on a deck chair on the roof

Place Not To Play Bunggie-Jump Bella From CamPOV  
Bella Tied to a deck chair and gagged  
Bella: felp! felp!

Eddie's Bedroom CamPOV  
Tanya is struin across Edwards bed in sexy lingerie. Edward walks in eyes wide when he see's her  
Tanya *sexy Voice*: Hello Edward Edward:  
Erm hi Tanya  
Tanya: What do you think?  
Edward: You look nice.  
Tanya: Just nice?  
Edward: Well..beautiful but-  
Tanya grabs him and pulls him onto the bed and kisses him. He struggles to get her off. Until Jasper comes into the room.  
Jasper: Erm Ed Be- EDWARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!  
Tanya: Oh great. Do I have NO privacy?  
Edward: Jasper HELP ME  
Tanya: Eww boys *runs out of the room*  
Edward: It wasn't what it looks like SHE was pinning ME down  
Jasper:...Just destory the tape before Bella sees it

Place Not To Play Bunggie-Jump Bella From CamPOV  
Bella still the same trying to get free  
Bella: fer phes shake felp fe!

Eddie's Room CamPOV  
Jasper: Crap yeah Bella's sitting on the roof in a deck chair  
Edward: ...  
Jasper: ...  
Edward:...Your kidding right?  
Jasper: Nope  
Edward climbs out the window

Place Not To Play Bunggie-Jump Bella From CamPOV  
Bella stil the same sees hands comin up *muffled scream*  
EDward: Love are you ok?  
Edward quickly unties Bella scoops her up into his arms  
Bella: You took your time! Tanya tied me up here two hours ago!  
Edward: Don't worry I'll get my own back  
Edward jumps off roof, lands and goes into house

Games Room / Tourcher Chamber CamPOV:  
Emmett Holding Tanya down. T.V. in corner  
T.v. Emmett: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!  
Tanya screams


	7. Emmett Ate Sugar

**Ok Haha I wouldn't like to be in Tanya's situation! And yeah it's really just occoured to me that this isn't that much like WifeSwap but well this is Emmett's idea and we all know Emmett**

**Disclamer: Me not own Twilight, Edward or Any othe the other characters. I didn't kidnap Robert Pattinson from Stephanie's closet *Shity Eyes*  
Robert *muffled by gag*"fle!"  
Me "Shh do you WANT her to wake up and take you back again?"  
Robert "Ghuf Pont"**

Day 4  
Eddie Bedroom CamPOV  
Bella sleeping Alice and Rosalie sneak in with clothes. Bella wakes up  
Bella *Nervous Voice*: Alice? Rosalie? What are you doing?  
Alice: Quick Rose hold her down! We're going on a shopping trip!  
Rosalie pins Bella down while Alice starts to put make-up on her

Games Room/ Tourcher Chamber CamPOV  
Tanya tied to chair still in front of T.V. with Emmett dancing to My Humps. Edward enters grinning  
Edward: Tanya, have we learnt our lesson?  
Tanya nodds Edward unties her  
Edward: Now Tanya what AREN'T we going to do?  
Tanya: I'm not going to kidnap Bella and tie her to a deck chair on the roof  
Edward and what else aren't we going to do  
Tanya *Sigh*: Try to seduce Edward because he belongs to Bella

Human's Feeding Room CamPOV  
Carlisle is sat at the table fixing it. Tanya walks in followed by Edward  
Carlisle: Tanya you know Esme cleans up. Well I hate to have to ask you to clean after Edward subdued you to that horrible torcher but Emmett's made a horrible mess he-  
Tanya: He ate sugar didn't he?  
Calisle nodds and slams his fist down on the table. A big dent forms straight through the middle of the table.  
Carlisle *mutters annoyed*: They said this was strong steal  
Tanya: Great, wheres the mess?  
Edward *snickering*: In the kitchen  
Tanya exits room andf Edward goes into livving room  
Tanya out of camera view: EMMETT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE !?!

Kitchen CamPOV ~ Set just as Tanya walks in  
Tanya walks in looks around at room. Dramatic classical music plays.  
Tanya: EMMETT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?! *Music continues* Edward cut that out!  
Piano kay cover slams. All four walls are covered in sticky red stuff, on table is bit of meat and long black things in a dish in the sink.


	8. Edward's Sweet Baby Not Bella :O

**OME PEOPLE. I logged on to my email in the space of TWO HOURS I had 19 emails from FanFiction THANK YOU EVERY ONE!**

**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING:  
oK guys as you know I usually dedicate chapters to you amazing people when you review, favourite, story alert or favourite authur me.  
But with the mass email, I'm getting I'm not going to be able to anymore and thats not fair on you guys because you take the time to read the random crap that enters my mind XD So when you review me for the FIRST time I'll dedicate the chapter to you and from then on every FOUR review's you give me (You don't have to honestly its only if you want a dedication) I'll dedicate a chapter to you. I really am sorry.  
So if you favourite me ect ect and review I'll dedicate my next chapter. Thats the only way for it to be far people sorry.  
ALSO if you read Nessie's In Love you know I recomend stories I like and I wanted to do that on this story as well but with the reviews, favourites ect I haven't had chance so lemme know any stories you'd like me to recomend :D**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any other characters! Me: "Jaz (my friend) keep driving! Stephanie's gaining on us." Robert: "She might stop chasing us if you gave her Edward." Me: "Zip it Pattinson! Faster Jaz."**

Day 4:  
Kitchen CamPOV  
Tanya stood in kitchen Emmett walks in  
Emmett: You screamed Tanya?  
Tanya: Emmett what DID you do in here?  
Emmett: Oh you mean the mess? Well Bella and I we're up late watching DVDs to drown out the sound of your shouts. And she got hungry since I'd eaten her chocolate *Mr Burns 'Excellent' pose* sugarr. Anyway I remembered a recipe of Spaghetti bolognese with meatballs. I put the spaghetti in the saucepan and started cooking it while I tryed to make the meat balls with some mince..but since I was hyper I tryed jugling them with some tomatoes. Then i relised oh shit the spaghetti is burning! So i threw the tomatoes in the blender and shoved the meatballs on the table. Anyway when i went to put the burnt spaghetti in the sink i knocked the switch on the belder and well Tadaa!  
Tanya's facial expression turns from horrified to not amused. She throws a mop and broom at Emmett.  
Tanya: You can clean this up  
Emmett: Nu-uh Esme always cleans it up.  
Emmett hands mop and broom to Tanya and leaves; only to pop his head back round the door  
Emmett: You might need to redecorate. Tomatoe stains are hard to get out trust me  
Emmett grins Tanya snaps broom in half and hurdles it at Emmett. He dodges just in time. Sounds of a piano having its strings cut are heard  
Edward not in camera view: NO! MY SWEET BABY!

Front Room CamPOV ~ Just as Emmett is leaving the kitchen  
Edward is at his beloved piano playing Bella's lulliby. Some form of stick goes straight through the middle of the piano spearing it, sounds of a piano having its strings cut are heard Edward: NO! MY SWEET BABY! *Hugging whats left of his beloved piano* WHY? WHY? IT WAS SO YOUNG AND DEFENCLESS!  
Bella comes in and stands behind him not looking happy. Alice and Rosalie in tow with arms full of shopping bags  
Alice: Edward that piano is older than YOU  
Bella: I..I thought I was your sweet baby!  
Bella runs off crying, Rosalie comforts Edward  
Rosalie: There, there Edward. You knew the piano would break some day. We are in a house full of vampires  
Edward: *Dry sobbing harder*

Kitchen CamPOV Tanya smiles as Bella runs off crying turns to the camera with a big grin Alice not in camera view: Tanya stop getting ideas!  
Tanya sulks and gets back to moping up muttering to low for the camera to hear

Bat Cave CamPOV  
Emmett and Carlisle are putting Edwards 'Sweet Baby' into a truck. Rosalie and Alice are on either side of Edward comforting him.  
Rosalie: Alice can you please get Jasper down here to sort out the cry baby it's starting to scare me. He didn't sob this much when he thought Bella had jumped off the clif!  
Alice: I would Rose but...I don't actually know where he is  
Behind the three Tanya is dragging a unconscious Bella across the floor towards the Cullen's back door  
Alice: Tanyaaa put Bella back where you found her  
Tanya turns round with Bella taking her back the way she came  
Carlisle: Edward do you want to say a few words before your sweet baby goes away?  
Edward sniffles walks upto the piano opens his mouth and bursts into sobs again running back into the house. The other four just stand there in amazment. Not even Emmett knows what to say


	9. Jasper is D :O

**Ok I have MAJOR writers block on Nessie's In Love. So it's gonna be a while before I get back to that Heres the next chapter people! Heh Heh I might update later :D**

**I dedicate this chapter to BiteMeCullenJustDoIt, Rebecca Bell, Dimitri B and Edward C 4ever and Edward-Cullen-Lover1901**

**Disclamer: Dont own the ANY part of the Twilight Universe. Me "Stephanie PUT the pencil down! And I'll give you back Edward!" Stephanie *In Joker costume* "Wanna see a magic trick? I'll show you how to make this pencil disapear!"**

Day 5  
Front Room CamPOV  
Alice is pacing, Bella is watching the TV  
Bella: Alice whats wrong?  
Alice: I Haven't seen Jasper since Tanya kidnapped you  
Bella: Which time?  
Alice: The first time  
Bella: Ahh well I saw him get int the Volvo  
Edward not in camera view: What about my Volvo!  
Alice smiles evily and nodds to Bella  
Alice: Jasper left a day ago with it and it was just on the news  
Bella: Edward it...it was found at the bottom of Niagra Falls  
Extremly loud sobs come from another room  
Bella: Alice should we tell him about the tree they found with it?  
Edward runs through the room covering to the place where his 'Sweet Baby' used to be  
Edward: Why! Why take both my babys they never did anything. My volvo never even got to run over the Mutt  
Edward lies on the floor and starts punching it. Emmett comes in  
Emmett: I'll just take him out side  
Emmett carrys Edward out over his shoulder. Edward starts hitting him in the back  
Edward: NO! Leave me there  
Emmett Out Of Camera view: Jeez Edward it was only a piano and a car!  
Alice and Bella in a state of shock

The Yard CamPOV  
Edward is all emo on the floor. Emmett is sat on the door step taunting him when the Volvo aproches  
Edward: MY SWEET BABYS ALIVE!  
Emmett: Seriously carry on calling that stuff your sweet baby's and Bella's just gonna hand herself over to Tanya  
The volvo is zig zaging towards the garage  
Edward: Whos drivving that they seem drunk. They ARE drunk!  
Car goes into the garge and high pitched squeeling and a crunch sound  
Edward: NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Emmett: That...your baby just hit my baby's car. Aww man rose is gonna decapite me!  
Both of them run towards the garge  
Jasper out of camera view: *shlurred words* Afternoon vampires  
The following are all out of Camera view  
Emmett: Jazz are you...drunk!  
Jasper: *shlurred words* No I only 'ad one wiskey and a couple hundren Vodka and cokes!  
Smashing noises are heard  
Edward snarling: You drunken Bas-  
Rosalie: MY SWEET BABY!


	10. Great Balls Of Fire!

**Wow nearly at chaper 9! I'm Amazed! Thanks for the reviews and Story alearts and Favourites!  
Just to explain, I guessed that Vampires won't die in fires or explosions unless they're already ripped into little bits.**

**I dedicate this chapter to Jedigal125, Lisha K, CollieChild, Swimming cutie xoxo, Lyrannae**

**Disclamer: No owneth Twilight, Edward ro anyother charaters either. Dam it we had to give Edward back she had a shot gun :'( but we managed to get away before She got hold of Rob as well :)**

Day 5  
Bat Cave CamPOV  
EDward is strangeling Jasper. Emmett is holding back Rosalie. Rosalie's car is in a crumpled mess and Edward's beloved Volvo has lost one full side of it.  
Alice runs in from outside Bella in tail  
Alice: Jasper when- Wooh, what happened!  
Edward snarling and banging Jaspers head against the floor: Jasper did a spot of drunk driving  
Bella: Since when can Vampires get drunk?!?  
Jasper: *shlurred words* Well I managed it  
Alice walks over and janks Jasper from underneath Edward  
Alice: Jasper just go find Carlisle because this can't be good  
Rosalie lets out a extremly menacing growl  
Alice: Um Jasper you may want to sort out Rose and Edward's emotions  
Both Edward and Rosalie calm down and kiss both their partners. As Jaspers leaving Alice goes into her vision face  
Alice: EVERYBODY OUT THE GARAGE!  
Emmett: Why wha-  
Both Cars go up in flames and small crackling noises are heard All three couples run out Bella screams as Edward pulls her out of the way of a spark. Carlisle comes running into the garage  
Carlisle: Whats all the nois-  
The cars blow up and the camera goes off

Yard CamPOV ~ Just as Carlisle speaks  
The garage blows up sending wood at all angles. All 6 Cullen teens dodge the flying flaming wood. Emmett dodges two flaming round things  
Emmett: That brings a new meaning to great balls of fire!  
Everyone chuckles but soon stop when Carlisle steps out of the flaming remains of the garage; clothes on fire. With a menacing glare but calm face.  
Carlisle: Who's fault is this?  
Everyone points at Jasper and Jasper is pointing at Bella  
Jasper: *Shlurred words* Can't trust humans with cars  
Bella: *Death Glare*  
Tanya pulls up in her own car, gets out with shopping bags. Dropping them when she spots the garage. She opens her mouth to speak but Bella cuts her off  
Bella: Jasper's wasted and chrashed the volvo into Rosalie's car and exploded all the cars  
The other Cullen teens realise what that means and turn round with menacign faces  
Jasper: *shlurred Words* Gotta go!  
He starts to run off in a zig-zag line and the other four including Alice chase after him. Tanya Carlisle and Bella stand there watching the chase as the last part of Carlisle's underwear turns into ashes. Tanya hands him a cerel box to cover himself with.


	11. Last Day Of Esme's Rules

**I no, I no people this ones a bit late but well i tryed to do a movie jump-roll thingy to change the channel since McFly was on *shudders* and kinda ya know slammed into the sofa/ couch w.e u wanna call it Lol :O We've hit number 10 woot!**

**Ok guys go read PhoneCalls by Rock'n'Slash tis well funny and maon at them to get the next phone call up! Cry I've been waiting weeks!**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or anyother characters. Missing Something? Yes my random advertures with Twilight is not here :O**

Day 6  
Emmett's Presenter Voice: Today is the last day of Esme's rules. What Will Tanya's rules bring in? Will Bella perrish at the hands of Tanya? Will Eddie finally be conqured by Tanya's lo- Edward get off my mic! Let go dam it!  
EDward while the mic is breaking up: Yurk des Estnet Chul  
Emmett mic is back to normal: Edward your breath smells! What'd you do eat Bella or something? *static*

Interview CamPOV  
Jasper looks pained  
Jasper: If your watching this, I'm either buirred somewhere or *Gulp* One of them has me in a dress as a slave.  
He looks around nervously  
Jasper: I didn't mean to explode the garage or set Carlisle on fire. I got drunk, my bad! Anyway I wanted to share some secrets. First Emmett has a pair of frilly pink knickers in his 'Man Draw' I've only ever seen him wear them once but he has them! Two; that so called Deer that Rosalie buirred back in Denali was next door's cat. Three; Alice once had to by a dress saying 'Tinkerbell' on it from WallMart and she still wears it when noboys home-  
Emmett out of camera view: Jasssper where are you?  
Jasper: 4 Carlisle still hugs a Teddy bear at night named Mr Snuggles. Ok Bella this ones about Edward, he stole a pair of your kn-  
Emmett grabs Jasper and pulls him away Rosalie follows with two spades and a pitchfork

Old Dude Lair CamPOV  
Carlisle is reading 'Tourcher For Dumbies, Psychotic And Just Plain Old'  
Carlisle: Hung upside down while poked with a stick. Hmm sounds good  
Jasper out of camera view: No not the pit! ANYTHING but the pit!  
Carlisle set down his text book and walks towards the window  
Carlisle: Emmett? What are you doing with your brother  
Emmett: We're reanacting Pirates Of The Caribbean; Dead Man's Chest. Jasper going to be Davy Jone's Chest so we need to buiry him  
Carlisle:....When are you starting the game?  
Emmett: Some time next week  
Carlisle: Ok you may proceed  
Jasper out of camera view: Wait, what? Carlisle save me!  
Carlisle walks back and picks up his book  
Jasper out of camera view: CARLISL-

**I no it's only little but if I'm feeling up to it I'll update later**


	12. Tanya's Rules

**Hey guys yeah I know I'm late with this feel free to moan at me. Lmao this one's ending is kinda bad in a funny way XD**

**I dedicate this chapter to Sissy Bella Marie Swan Cullen and Mandaaxx**

**Disclamer: Me no owneth Twilight, Edward or any of the other characters. Yeah I need time to think of more of these then they'll be back I promise. If you have any idea for it tell me and I'll use them :)**

Day 1 ~ Tanya's rulez  
Emmett in presenter voice: Today is Tanya's rule swap. What will they be? Will she finally kill Bella or enslave Edward who knows! Lets just wait and see Emmett normal voice: AHAHA can't attack me this time can you Eddie! I knew sitting on you would work!

Day 1  
Human Feeding Room CamPOV  
All the Cullen's including Bella and except for Jasper are sat around the table.  
Tanya: wheres Japser?  
Emmett: Um Rose where'd we buiry him

Chest CamPOV  
Jasper is inside a coffin shaped chest  
Jasper: Emmett you can dig me out now *Nervous Laugh* Emmett? EMMETT!

Human Feeding Room CamPOV  
Tanya: *Shrugs*  
Tanya is walking past them handing out sheets.  
Tanya: As you can see theres a bit of a difference to Esme's rules  
Bella pokes Edward and points to a rule  
Edward: Excuse me Tanya but why is Bella doing ALL the choures?  
Tanya: DO NOT QUESTION MY RULES EDWARD!  
Bella: Tanya why does Edward have to spend 11am and 8pm in YOUR room?  
Tanya: QUESTION MY RULES AND GET EATEN!  
Bella grabs Edward's shirt and hugs him tightly  
Rosalie: Emmett is she allowed to do that?  
Emmett: Most probably their allowed to force rules on us  
Tanya: Ok so any questions?  
Carlise: .  
Emmett: .  
Rosalie: .  
Edward: *Growl*  
Bella: *Wimper*  
Alice: ...Um Emmett Jasper's just about to dig himself out  
Rosealie: I told you we didn't dig the hole deep enough

Livving Room CamPOV  
Muddy footsteps and drag marks trail along and go up the stairs. Bella is stood with a mop and bucket in Janitor clothes.  
Bella mutters to self: Stupid Tanya's rules I've gotta do this then go fetch the wood for the garage Carlisle's building then I have to clean the mud upstairs as well!

Geriatric's Room CamPOV  
Tanya is sat on the bed reading Cosmo. While Edward tidys the room in just a bow tie and an apron.  
Tanya: Edward be a dear and find my Kerrang! magazine.  
Edward goes under the bed and a CENSERED thing covers him. Tanya leans her head to the side smileing.  
Tanya: Ohhh yeahhh


	13. Raining Vampires!

**Ok theres a little joke in here that anyone who reads Nessie's In Love will understand but even if you haven't it'll still make you laugh. Yeah if Gucci's spelt wrong my bad since I don't buy Gucci / Prada ect**

**Ok GO READ Peter-Pans A Vampire by The Romantically Inept. Trust me there isn't anything like this on fan fiction!**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any of the other Characters.**

Day 2  
Sexiest Room In The House CamPOV  
Both Emmett and Rosalie are in front of Emmett's 'Master Computer' forced to watch Tanya and Edward.  
Emmett: Jazzz you know we were only playing when we buirred you in the feild  
Jasper: I don't care you'll be watching that until you beg forgivness!  
Rosalie: *Growling* We don't have to if we don't want to  
Jasper walks over and taps the piece of paper in his hand Rosalie rolls her eyes and turns back to the screen  
Rosalie: Who gave him those stupid rulesn anyway!  
Emmett: EDward did, I told you we should of jumped him before he could!  
Jasper hit them both on the head with a pair of Rosalie's shoes  
Jasper: Carry on talkign and you'll be playing dress up longer and Rosalie he'll be in your Gucci heels  
Rosalie turns round with an almost animal look on her face

2st Floor Hall Way CamPOV  
Loud ripping sounds and shouting come from Rosalie and Emmetts room. Bella is just outside it with a mop and bucket cleaning the rest of the mud.  
Bella banging on the door with the broom: Cut it out! I'm not cleaning up in thier if one of you kills the other! Jasper no death matchs do you hear me? *Opens the door* Jaspe-  
Bella screams throws the broom in and runs. Carlisle walks past glances in.  
Carlisle: *Sighing* Rosalie please put Jasper down *Glass breaking* I didn't mean out the window! Emmett downstairs in 5 minutes you coming to the hardwear store to relpace that window

Yard CamPOV ~ Just as Bella runs away from Rosalie and Emmett's room  
Alice is jumping with joy over her new yellow Porche.  
Alice: I love you *Hugs and kisses the car*  
A scream is heard and Alice looks up  
Alice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Jasper falls onto the car causing a dent that nearly swollows him whole and falls off. Alice runs towards where Jasper is. He extends his arms but she casually steps over him and dry sobs over her car  
Alice: I never got a proper chance to drive it!

Sexiest Room In The House CamPOV  
The room looks like its been ripped apart. The beds in half, other furiture is shattered. Rosalie looks out the window and sighs when she hears the sobs.  
Rosalie: Greattt another cry baby!

Geriatric's Room CamPOV  
Edward's head is out the window looking up.  
Tanya: Edward what ARE you looking at?  
Edward: Well..um I think it's raining Vampires...  
Tanya: ...EDward? Just get back to painting my toe nails


	14. Emmet's Gonna Get it!

**Sorry the update took so long. By the way I'm going on holiday on friday so i'll update before then but it might be a week after that before the next update sorry!**

**PLEASE READ**  
**My friend Jashley has made a website for uplaoading FanFiction or you own stories and stuff. It's less crowed then so you're stories will more likely be read/reviewed on there so go join her site I have and to be mean if she doesn't get atleast 5 people sign up well I'm not updating till she does :D Sorry guys .com/ her site**

**Disclamer: I dont own Twilight, Edward or any other characters.**

Day 3  
Pixie Liar CamPOV  
Sobbing is heard and Jasper is tapping on the closet door  
Jasper: Alice come out the closet  
Alice not in camera view: NO you KILLED two of my cars in less than a week!  
Jasper: Neither was my fault I was drink drivving the first time and Rosalie threw me out the window the second time cuz i killed her ca- ok I'm going to shut up now  
Alice not in camera view: Yeah you do that!...Jasper leave my emotions alone!  
Jasper: But your so angry and upset  
Alice not in camera view: ...You're just bored aren't you?  
Japser: *Smirking* ...Well yeah  
Alice jumps out of the closet landing on Japser  
Alice: Buy me TWO new cars and I promise you won't be board for ages  
Jasper: DEAL!

Place Not To Play Bunggie-Jump Bella from CamPOV  
Edward and Bella are sat haveing a date on his sofa on the roof  
Bella: Told you this was a nice place  
Edward: Right as usual my love  
They kiss but are interruptted by a bored groan  
Edward: Hush woman you are ruining the moment!  
Tanya is gaged and bound on a thick metal pole over the roof, hung by a massive Wedgie  
Tanya: Few Bashurds!

Sexiest Room In The House CamPOV  
Rosalie is cleaning up the the wreckage of her and Emmett's room.  
Rosalie: Stupid idiotic vengful vampires. Can't stay burried can they! No but atleast my hair is still skilky and so-  
Emmett walks in with a pole and a snake  
Rosalie: Um Emmett?  
Emmett: Yes my precious?  
Rosalie: What are you doing with a POLE a SNAKE?  
Emmett: Tourchering Tanya  
Rosalie: ...  
Emmett: Edward's got her hanging from the roof major wedgie style  
Rosalie: ...  
Emmett: Come watch  
Both walk over to the window. Emmett climbs out and comes back a second later and is handed the pole by Rosalie. He starts poking out of the camera view Tanya. Both he and Rosalie laugh.

Old Dude Lair CamPOV  
Carlisle is reading 'Vampires are from Pluto Werewolves are from Forks' when Emmett's booming laughter reaches his office. Carlisle walks towards the window opens it and leans out.  
Carlisle: Emmett what ARE you doi-  
A falling Tanya pulls Carlisle down with her as she passes the window. BANGG!  
Carlisle not in camera view: Emmett when I get my hands on you so help me!  
Tanya not in camera view: Make that two of us!  
Emmett not in camera view: Gotta go!


	15. The Good The Bad & The Irish

Hiya guys GAHHHH I'm so annoyed I'm on holiday seeing my family in Northan Ireland (Yep I'm half Irish) and theres NO INTERNET what a joy. I'm using my cousin's but she's having problems with it so I can't uplaod but I'm back sunday night so I promise you all two chapters! (Y)

I am sorry..damn usless Irish computers!


	16. Adams Family REAL CHAPTER! :D

**Please Read  
Hey guys! Yes I have done it! Right I DESERVE reviews today I don't ever ask for them but today I had to hand write out this WHOLE chapter then retype it on another computer! So please I will NEVER ask again! Oh this might be a little...um dirty in parts XD and Carlisle is a bit out of character.**

**I dedicate this chapter to Rock'n'Slash! Cuz her phone calls for this story are HILARIOUS go on my reviews and check em out  
Other dedications next chapter cuz I can't copy and paste the names on this computer *shakes Death Note at the computer***

**Disclamer I DONT own Twilight**

Day 2 (I think XD)

Yard CamPOV  
Emmett looks out window and the jumps.  
Emmett: Timberrr!  
Emmett bellyflops onto the gravel below spraying some up into the air along with Alice's car's rear-view mirror.

Place not to play bungie-jump Bella From CamPOV  
Edward and Bella are looking where Tanya fell.  
Emmett Not In Camera View: Timberrr!  
Bella and Edward turn to the other side of the roof. The wave of gravel and the mirror heads towards Bella. Edward pulls her out of the way only for the mirror to hit him on the head instead. Bella giggles and Edward hurdles the mirror down towards Emmett.

Yard CamPOV ~ Just as the wave goes up  
Emmett stands up as a menacing looking Carlisle comes round the corner and lunges at Emmett. He dodges Carlisle who gets hit on the head by the mirror. Carlisle looks up and snarles.

Place not to play bungie-jump Bella From CamPOV  
Edward stifles a laugh and holds his hand up in a 'My Bad' gesture. He scoops Bella up.  
Edward: Gotta go!

Yard CamPOV  
Emmett walks backwards as Tanya comes round the corner. He makes a run for the forest with Carlisle and Tanya hot on his heels.  
Emmett: I'm sorry I was just messing around. It-...Carlisle PUT the scaple down!

CCTV CamPOV  
Bella and Edward are leaning out the 3rd floor window laughing. Rosalie is sitting on the 2nd floor window ledge shaking her head. Jasper is leaning out the 1st floor window; hair a mess shirt wide open.  
Jasper: What did I hear about a scaple?  
Bella: Didn't you notice it was raining Vampires earlier?  
Jasper shakes his head and Rosalie laughs and says something the camera doesn't catch. Jasper gives Rosalie evils.  
Edward: Bella and I were tourchering Tanya when Emmett joined in and knocked her over and Carlisle went to look out the window and Tanya dragged him down with her.  
Jasper: Ahh  
Rosalie: Will a scaple even work on a Vampire?  
Jasper: for your sake Rosalie i hope not because we all know where Tanya and Carlisle are aiming.  
Jasper laughs. Rosalie gasps. Edward and Bella cringe. A hand slides up Jasper's chest and grabbs his shirt. He smirks and is pulled in shutting the window.  
Rosalie Bella and Edward: GROSS!  
Rosalie gets back in side. Bella and Edward shrug and go back in shutting the window. The Adam's Family song comes on and is quickly shut off then a CD player flys out Rosalie's window. 'Property Of Edward Cullen (A/N:Cullens crossed out) And Bella Cullen' is on it. It smashes against a wall.  
Edward yanks the window open.  
Edward: MY SWEET BAB-  
Bella: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT CULLEN!  
She yanks him back and shuts the window.


	17. Carlisle The Pervert?

**Heya Guys! Anyway yeah thought you might like to know the me and my mates are doing a NEW MOON SPOOF, and ME gets to play EDWARD! *dances* So if you're interested in watching it once it's up on zee Youtube I shall let you people know :)**

**I dedicate this chapter to the good ol' people who reviewed especailly those who reviewed the last bit when I typed it all up! SOme of these back date so if i missed you out lemme no!  
outkasted-angel09, ECvsHPbebe, ktisuberawesome, breakingdawn7295, SinfulDesire08, angelica cullen, JazzyJasper, colliechild, I'M A CULLEN,**

**Disclamer: Don't own Twilight. will Kidnap Edward again and the other characters well they own themselves.**

Day 3:  
Sexiest Room In The House CamPOV  
Emmett is in a corner arms rapped around her legs rocking backwards and forwards. Rosalie is watching him as she brushes her hair. Jasper Chuckling on a chair.  
Emmett: It was horrible I tell you Rosalie. Carlisle LOCKED me in that room with them. There was screaming, touching and I lost a shirt, all of that stuff.  
Jasper: Well it was your own fault. You forget it was a punnishment for me and Alice too  
Rosalie: You deserve the punnishment as well A-  
Jasper: What did I do to deserve punishment?  
Bella is on a window washing thing they have on Sky Scrapers washing the new window in her janator outfit.  
Bella: Uh let me think. Edward's car, the garage getting blown up, this window need I carry on?  
Jasper: FINE! Still FAN GIRLS! F A N G I R L S! THAT my dear is EVIL!  
Rosalie turns confused look on her face  
Rosalie: I thought Carlisle made Emmett watch you and Alice...um not be bored

Old Dude Lair CamPOV ~ Just as Rosalie turns round  
Carlisle is reading 'The Vampa Sutra'  
Rosalie not in camera veiw: I thought Carlisle made Emmett watch you and Alice...um not be bored  
Carlisle: Rosalie! What ARE you emplying, that I'm a pervert!  
Rosalie not in camera veiw: Carlisle we all know what pictures Esme put in that book when she wrote it  
Carlisle: I do-  
Emmett not in camera veiw: Oh you mean the BOOK?  
Carlisle: How..whe-  
Jasper not in camera veiw: I swear Esme threw that out when she saw the pictures. No wait wasn't that the Carlisle Gone Wild book?  
Carlisle: STAY OUT OF MY STUDY!!!!!

**Haha I thought I'd give Carlisle another book since a couple of people told me they liked the whole 'Carlisle's Books' thing :D An I no tis small but I only got off a plane a couple of hours ago!**


	18. Cullen, Emmett Cullen

**Hey guys see I'm getting back into adding a new chap every day :D Ok two jokes explained: Pride and Predujice and The Adams Family  
PLease Read  
Ok so I have a POLL on my PROFILE that is about a story to come after this one...untill i get ATLEAST 3 peopl vote I won't update. I'm not trying to be mean I just wanna no!**

**Dedsications: Kate Mac, Eddieluver, FoveverAndAlways777, Alice1997**

**Discalmer: No Own Twilight**

Day 4  
2nd floor landing  
Bella putting a trip wire at the bottom of the stairs cackling to herself. Emmett walks past rasing an eye brow.  
Emmett: You know thats NOT going to work on Tanya right?  
Bella: It will even the smartest people fall into those traps  
Emmett: No they don't Bella were in a house full of Vampires. They're sma-  
Alice comes down the stairs drooling over her newest dress and trips over the wire with a chash. Jasper comes down the stairs spots Alice a lying there and runs down only to trip over himself.  
Bella looks at Emmett smug face points to where ALice and Japser are floor munching  
Bella: You were saying?

Old Dude Lair CamPOV  
Carlisle is sitting in his study feet up reading 'Pride and Vampireness'. The window is open and birds are singing.  
Emmett not in camera view: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
Carlisle:...AHAHAHAHAHA IT WORKS! IT WORKSSS!

1st Floor Landing ~ Just before Ol Dude Lair  
Emmett walks sneakily towards Carlisle's studdy. He looks around as he lays a finger on the door and pushes. A loud noise sounds.  
Emmett: What the Fu-  
An anvil swings down knocking Emmett into the wall  
Emmett: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
Then lazer beams start shooting at him. He does some movie ducks and rolls before running away  
Emmett: CRAZY VAMPIRIC BOOK READING BAST-  
A lazer shoots again so he runs off. Laughing comes over a speaker  
Carlisle not in camera view: *evil villen voice* Goodbye Mr Bond  
Carlisle's Phone not in camera view: *Ringtone* They're Crazy and they're loopy. Mystious with beauty. They're all together Rockin. The Cullen Family.  
Carlisle Not In Camera View: Hello?  
Emmett not in camera view: *usless English accent* The names Cullen, Emmett Culle-  
Rosalie not in camera view: Emmett don't MAKE me set the fan girls on you again! *Phone goes dead*

2nd Floor Landing  
Bella and Alice are sat on deck chairs in the shadows by the stairs.  
Alice: I forgot to tell you I had a vision earlier you're plan will work  
Bella: Ah but that was before I made it better  
ALice: ...  
Tanya comes down the stairs putting lipstick on and trips over the wire and a net drops on her  
Alice: Bella you have been hanging around Vampires enough to know nets do nothing  
Bella unties a string from her chair and Tanya goes up into the air and Rosalie pushes the net with Tanya in out the already open window (C'mon the house has been through enough these past two weeks XD)  
Bella: And I've been round Vampires long enough to know never to touch Rosalie's make up  
ALice: ... You have learnt well my little human  
Rosalie: ...Alice? Shes taller than you ARE Alice snarls


	19. Nanananana Batman!

**Hey guys..i went a bit over baord with this but it was funny XD**

**Please Read!  
Ok so my poll isn't working summing wrong with it so gimme and hour and then start zee voting sorry for the annoyance guys!**

**Dedications to: colliechild, jedigal125, Kate Mac (Cuz she scared her little onces XD), The Darksider, Lyrannae (Aww thanks for both storys reviews), chickie2014 and SinfulDesire08**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight**

Day 4 Later  
Livving Room CamPOV  
Bella and Edward are cuddling on the sofa. Rosalie is straightning her hair..again. Screaming is comming from upstairs. Edward turns up the TV.  
Bella: Tanya and Alice still fighting?  
Rosalie: No they went out for ice cream Bella: I thought Vampires didn't eat human food.  
Rosalie: No Ice Cream is Alice's new favourite Designer  
Screaming again. Bella looks up confused  
Rosalie: *Sigh* Emmetts trying to get into Carlisle's study again

1st floor Landing  
Emmett walks to the door with a big and fancy mirror 'Property Of Rosalie Cullen' dressed as Batman. He once again tries to open the study. The anvil drops down and he duck with a movie roll.  
Emmett: Ahahaha HOW'D YOU LIKE ME NOW!  
The lazers shoot at him but he holds the mirror up in the air, bouncing the lazers back and blowwing the machines up. He smirks and pushes the door open. Carlisle looks up from from his book 'Dracula' and sighs when he see's Emmett.  
Emmett: Told you I'd get in Dr Cullen...If that IS your real name  
Carlisle: ...  
Carlisle clicks his fingers and points.  
Emmett: Oh My Robin

Livving Room CamPOV ~ Just as Emmet gets into Carlisle's study  
Bella and Edward are watchin the tv. Rosalie is STILL straightning her hair.  
Emmett not in camera view: Oh My Robin! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
They all look towards the stairs where Batman Emmett runs down the stairs restling monkeys. All three watch in amazment as Emmett leaves the house. Smoke starts to come from Rosalie's hair Rosalie screams pulling the straightners off  
Bella: ...  
Edward: ...  
Bella: ...I...  
Edward: ... Monkeys or Emmett dressed as..Batman?  
Bella: ...That was Emmett?

Yard CamPOV  
Emmett comes running out of the house still battling the monkeys. A car aproches them so the monkeys scatter back into the house. The car hits Emmett sending him flying  
Emmett: This brings a new meaning to flying without wings!  
The car skids to a stop. Tanya runs out scared look on her face.  
Tanya: ...Did I just run over BATMAN?  
Alice comes out the car carring about 50 bags ALice: ...There was a Batman?

1st Floor Landing ~ About 2 minutes after the Yard  
The monkeys run into Carlisle's study Carlisle not in camera view: My prettys job done well


	20. AN Poll Not Working Other Voting Ways

**Please Read People**

**For Fucks Sake! My Poll keeps messing around SO your gonna have to mail or review me with your answers SORRY! THIS IS IMPORTANT!**

**Heres the choices:**

**'s In Love**

** Name Is Earlmett**

** Decided Story (Go ahead mail me or summin)**

**Ok tar guys **


	21. Paintball Gun & Demands

**Hey guys I'm backkk. Sorry this took so long I had to think bout it that and well 34 hours no sleep not good. Looks like the new funny story's gonna be My Name Is Earlmett (My name is Earl thing) ALso the stroy half missing is Nessies In love KEEP VOTING! **

**PLease Read  
OME 100 reviews! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! Um could you guys cheak out another story of mine called Ypung Phoenix arising cuz i's the only serius one I've done and I'd like to know if im any gd thanks sorry to be a pain people**

**Disclamer: dont own Twilight**

**Dedications: Rock'n'Slash cuz I did a phone call XD twilightobsession, SuzieGrey, mandaaxx, CullenLuv01, Jashley**

Day 4 ~ Continued  
Livving room CamPOV  
Bella and Edward are still cuddled on the sofa while Rosalie is crying ovre her hair which has a brown strip in it. Alice comes in arms full of bags, Tanya runs in knocks alice over.  
EDward: *sigh* See you later  
Tanya: I don't want to alarm anyone but I think I just ran over batman!  
Bella: ...  
EDward: ...  
Rosalie: My hair! My beautiful hair!  
Tanya I said I just ran over BATMAN Edward: It was just Emmett don't worry Emmett comes in limping.  
Emmett: Yeah thanks for that Tanya  
Tanya: ...Why ARE you dressed as Batman

Old Dude Lair  
Carlisle is writing (**A/N Yes Carlisle does wright sometimes:O)** when his phone rings (**A/N same as last time i CBA to come up with anotherXD**)  
Carlisle: Hello?  
**A/N Anything not said by Carlisle in the following is not in camera view!**  
Emmett: So we meet again Dr Cullen  
Rosalie: Emmett what did I tell you!  
Emmett: Stupid woman ruining my moment-  
Rosalie: What was that?  
Emmett: Sexy woman ruining my moment Rosalie: Thats better you might just get that little-  
Carlisle: Ahem!  
Emmett: Anyway I've got your monkeys here  
Carlisle looks franticly round the room  
Emmett: If you want to see them again and not in Seatle's Zoo you'd better leave the 'Are We Cullen's Yet' book in front of mine and Rosalie's room by 11pm tonight  
Bella: Ahem!  
Emmett: Oh and get Tanya to give Eddie back to Bella  
Carlisle: I'm not doing both!  
A splat noise is sounded  
Emmett: FINE! Just give Eddie back  
Bella: AND in the next hour!  
Carlisle: Bella surely you understand how hard that will be I can't possible g-  
Another splat noise is heard  
Emmett: Carlisle just do as she says even if it means using plan Jedi  
Rosalie: *Gasp* Surely Emmett its not that hard f-  
Another splat noise  
Bella: Enough chat more Edward saving!  
Emmett: Carlisle she's not joking! She has a..a paintball gun half the room is splated but she's got it against Rose's hair!  
Carlisle: Fine I'll see what I can do  
Carlisle hangs up and walks towards the door

CCTV CamPOV ~ 3 minutes later Carlisle goes flying out the 2nd floor window left of Rosalie's and Emmett's window.  
Carlisle: Plan Jedi must commence!


	22. The Evilness Of GHDs

**Hey guys! Sorry the update took so long I was on a mini holiday at Alton Towers which is a popular theme park over here across the pond in England. Twas pretty ok my friend bribed the receptionist called Grant into givving her a free Penguin teddy (Madagascar) but saying her had a sexy beard and cool hair...after 20 minutes that was XD**

**Please Read..or ELSE XD  
Guys the end of this chapter starts Day 5! Which means theres not long of voting left and Ima be mean until I have 5 votes or five people telling me their not bothered what I do as a new funny story I'm not updating!  
And can you read Codename: S by Tina Cullen please if you have chance.  
And can you PLEASE tell me if I'm good at non funny stories by glancing at Young Phoenix Arising I'm not after reviews I just wanna know if I'm any good at them so I want atleast ONE pm/ review telling me or no update..sorry for being mean I just wanna no!**

**Dedications: Esme ROX, LadyVampWolf, Starr Studded, manvir, VictorianxxLyddie, sethykinz-is-so-silly & twilightlover44**

**Disclamer Don't own Twilight**

Day 4  
livving Room CamPOV  
Carlisle walks in his suit completely torn. He gives Emmett the glare of death. Loud noises are heard  
Carlisle: Monkeys now!  
Emmett: Rose relese the monkeys  
Rosalie opens the cage door next to her and all four run towards Carlisle ooing love **(A/N ooing as in the noise they make XD.)  
**Carlisle looks around the room which is now multi coloured with spots. Noises continue.  
Carlisle: What HAPPENED  
Emmett: I told you Bella had a paintball gun  
Carlisle: Bella! I'd like a word with you! *Cut off by even louder noises* Jasper will you stop the drilling PLEASE!  
Emmett: Um Carlisle..those noises are from Bella in the Game Room  
Carlisle: ...So it's not Jasper extending Alice's 'Gloryhole' for the ammount of clothes she's bought this mont- Wait why IS Bella drilling in the basement?  
Emmett, Rosalie and the monkeys shrug**(A/N I know that monkeys probably wouldnt understand that conversation but they're super monkeys the do anything...just like Pepsi)**

Day 5  
Game Room CampOV  
Rosalie seeks in looking around. It looks like a normal room but on a table in the center is a pair of the NEWEST GHD's out. Rosalie spots them and runs over in a blur picks them up, cuddleing them like a baby.  
Rosalie: My presu-  
A string is pulled from the staightners bringing a contraption down on her makingnher unable to escape without her hair getting turned multicolour by Yes Bella's trusted paintball gun! She tries to escape but a warning shot is fired. Although it misses her she stays put just incase.  
Rosalie: I..I'll NEVER trust another pair of GHD's again..EMMETT!  
Emmett is outside the contrapsion in a second. He starts laughing.  
Rosalie: *Snarl* Don't laugh save me!  
Emmett: Sorry sweettie but I can't believe a human with a pair of GHDs tricked you! *Gets cut of by another snarl* BELLA!  
Bella walks from behind the box she was hiding.  
Bella: Ahh you've seen the trap then?  
Emmett: Bella why is my wife in a trap?  
Bella: Because she's always mean to me  
Rosalie: Whatever  
Emmett: Now, now girls stop the fighting it's stupi-  
Rosalie: Emmett shut up and get me out of here  
Bella: Um...I didn't quite work out that bit yet.  
Emmett: WHy did you build it then?  
Bella: I built it to try it out so we could trap Tanya when plan Jedi fails  
Emmett: It's not going to fail  
Bella: It so is  
Emmett: NO its not!  
Bella: YES it is!  
Rosalie: *sighing* Well since I'm going to be stuck here  
Rosalie plugs in the straightners in her generator and striaghtens her hair  
Emmett: Face it Bella your puiny human brain can't understand the smartness of a Vampire one  
Bella: Reallly. This from the Vampire who's easily amused by tin foil (A/N..I'm easily amused by it as well XD)  
Emmett: It shines like my skin in the sunlight and-  
Bella looks to Rosalie and points to Emmett while he carrys on ranting about the tin foil in his own little world  
Bella: I rest my case  
Rosalie: *Sighing* Try be married to it

Day 5 ~ Little later Yard CamPOV  
Tanya's car aproches the house

Human Feeding Room CamPOV  
All seven family members sit round the table hands on top of each others.  
Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper & Carlisle: Plan Jedi..Comence!

**Hehe I no me so mean :P I promise if you guys meet my demands *Evil Kira Laugh* I shall update ASAP!**


	23. Plan Jedi Sneak Peek

**Ok I messed up the last chapter when I said "Seven members of the family" i meant six so just count Edward out  
Sneak Peek at Plan Jedi:**

**Bella is on the floor dressed as Luke Skywalker trying to get her Lightsaber to lift up with her 'Jedi Powers'.  
Carlisle: Bella it's not going to work your not a actual Jedi  
Bella: Shh old man I only take orders from Yoda  
Alice goes to open her mouth.  
Bella: Yoda doesn't shop at Armarni or Prada. He lives in a dirty hobbit hole in a bathrobe  
**

**Tanya stops looking around then spots Carl Vader  
Tanya: Are you guys cosplaying or something?**

**Tanya spots Obi One Kenobe and Yoda making out in the corner  
Tanya: OH HELL NO!**

**And thats all your getting people :P If you want it out 2moz meet my demands on the previous chapter :P**


	24. Plan Jedi!

**Hey guys. *Drum Roll* Heres the chaper you've all been waiting for! Sorry about spelling mistakes! And Yes I AM a starwars fan :P Don't blame me if you don't like this chapter it took my creativeness and came out...I like it thoughXD**

**Dedication: Fiction Bad Ass (Cuz she hangs out with me in reality), and all the people that reviewed because they were mad that I did a sneak peak.**

**Disclamer I dont own Twilight**

Livving Room CamPOV  
Carlisle is sat on the sofa in a Darth Vader suit minus the helmet. Rosalie is dressed as Laya trying to zip Emmett's Chubacca costume. Jasper is sat in the corner looking like he's in pain dressed as Obi One Kenobe. Alice is sulking in his lap dressed as Yoda. Bella is on the floor dressed as Luke Skywalker trying to get her Lightsaber to lift up with her 'Jedi Powers'.  
Carlisle: Bella it's not going to work. Your not an actual Jedi  
Bella: Shh old man I only take orders from Yoda  
Alice goes to open her mouth.  
Bella: Yoda doesn't shop at Armarni or Prada. He lives in a dirty hobbit hole in a bathrobe  
Alice: Well were not actually IN starwars are we  
Jasper: *Snickering* Thank goodness since you'd be in that hole Emmett and Rosalie dug for me wearing a WallMart dressing gown  
Alice bounces on him and goes back to sulking. Jasper trys his best to smile  
Carlisle & Emmett: *Snickering* That's gotta hurt  
Everyone except for Bella runs to the window. The lightsaber jumps off the floor into Bella's hand.  
Bella: ...Oh My Edward I did it! I have Jedi Powers  
Everyone else: ...  
Bella: I did it I swear!  
Everyone else: ...  
Bella: Just wait till I'm one of you guys  
Everyone else: ...AHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Yard CamPOV  
Tanya's car aproches the house

Human Feeding Room CamPOV ~ Same Time as Yard POV  
Six family members sit round the table hands on top of each others.  
Bella, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper & Carlisle: Plan Jedi..Comence!

Front Hallway CamPOV  
Tanya walks in ringing a small bell. All the lights are off  
Tanya: Eddiee look what I bought!  
Tanya realises the lights aren't on and no one is around  
Tanya: Hello? Anybody Ho-  
Emmett jumps out from behind her. Tanya screams and runs off up the stairs.

1st Floor Landing  
Tanya stops looking around then spots Carl Vader  
Tanya: Are you guys cosplaying or something?  
Carlisle: *Death Vader breathing noises* Tanya..I am..Edward's Father  
Tanya: Lame joke Carlisle really lame  
Carlisle abruptly stops the breathing and throws a Lightsaber at Tanya  
Carlisle: Fine! Heres your dam Lightsaber  
Carlisle stomps off muttering. Tanya shakes her head and carrys on up the stairs.

2nd Floor Landing  
As Tanya comes up the stairs she looks around and the place is all Sci-Fi with the silver walls, lights flickering and fog creaping along the floor.  
Tanya: Seriously what is with these people tod-  
Tanya spots Obi One Kenobe and Yoda making out in the corner  
Tanya: OH HELL NO!  
Both spot her and assume their origanal positions. Rosalie comes to stand with them  
Rosalie: Way to go guys. You've discraced two of the most loved Sci-fi characters in the world  
Tanya: Ahem  
Alice: *Yoda voice* Embarressed we are. New Jedi we have. Fight you for the chosen one she wi- I'm not talking like this anymore!  
Rosalie: You have to your the one who choose Yoda!  
Alice: Lies! I was the only one who fit into the costume! I-  
Jasper: Ahem  
ALice: Bella is gonna fight you for Edward...Jedi style  
Bella apears from the smoke using cool Lightsaber swinging moves. Tanya just about manages to turn it on  
Rosalie: We took hours to get dressed JUST to watch this?  
Alice and Jasper shrug.


	25. PLan Jedi Continued

**Hey guys!**

**Apologue Here  
I know its been like days since I updated im REALLY SORRY but it isn't through lazyness or something stupid. I've recently been pulled into Role Playing Final Fantasy Style and its fun actually but it took up all my writingness sorry but Ima use it for a Fanfiction. Also I was out 2day with a friend to be there as she took her drivers test give her a cheer she passed! And also other than getting sponcers for my Wrekin (Mountain near my house) run to raise money for church I've been trying to get my Anime convention cosplay ready..I'm going as Genesis from Final Fantasy Crisis Core :P (Zack DIED!!*crys) So feel free to moan on at me!**

**Disclamer I don't own Twilight**

**Dedications Fluffs2912, jedigal125 (Well c'mon her name screams she likes star wars), emmettandrose4ever, missflirt101, CullenLuv01, Rebecca Bell, orangefoodrocks, Lyrannae, Callie-Cullen.  
SOmeone commented me anonimusly telling me a story. OK guys I'm happy they did that I'm always happy to read work you think I should but Three things: 1. Dont do it anonimusly im not gonna go mad and do it as a review and say nothing about my story thats just not right people 3. Dont say READ IT atleast say please can you read it or Would you mind reading it Sorry if anyone disagrees with me there but well I wouldnt do that to some one**

2nd Floor  
Landing CamPOV  
Bella walks towards Tanya usuing facy starwars moves when Tanya throws her Lightsaber down.  
Tanya: This is stupid  
Bella: No it's not  
Tanya: Yes it is Bella:  
No its not!  
Tanya: Yes it is!  
Bella throws her Lightsaber on the floor scorching the carpet. And the girls carry on argueing  
Rosalie: That was only fitting three weeks ago Esmes gonna be Maaad  
Jasper: *Sigh* Here we go again  
Tanya: Yes it- Shut it Obi One Kissobe and get back to Yoda  
Japser and Alice glare at her and go back to making out.

livving Room CamPOV  
Everyone's in the same position as the last time except for Bella who's no where to be seen.  
ALice: Are they STILL up there agruing over weather or not PLan Jedi is stupid?  
Roselie: Yeah urgh I can't beleive I ruined my hair for this!  
SHe stops helping Emmett unzip his costume and starts to brush her hair  
Emmett: Rose get me out of this I can't breathe!  
Rosalie: Emmett Vampires don't NEED to breath  
Emmett: I need to pee  
Rosalie: Emmett Vampires dont NEED to pee  
Emmett: I-  
Rosealie: Emmett! Vampires don't need to do that either!  
Emmett: Dag Nab it! Woman just let me out of here and I'll go split up Mary-Kate and Ashley up there  
*10 minutes later*  
Bella: I had her damn it!  
Emmett Sure you did little sis  
Bella: I did  
Emmett: Your mom isn't a very good insult  
Bella: ...Watever

Eddie's Lair CamPOV  
EDward is cleaning the window in his usual outfit enforced by Tanya. She walks into the bath room. Emmett appears at the window looks in grabs the supprised Edward and disapears

Game Room CamPOV  
Tanya comes in ringing her bell. She spots Edward sitting on a chair.  
Tanya: Edward I've been calling you for ages dont make me have to punnish you.  
He doesn't respond so she walks over to him. As she grabbs his arm it sets off a trap. All the lights come on and so do tvs of Emmett dancing to a whole host of songs and singing.  
Tanya: NOOOOOOO  
Bella comes down on a wire grabs Edward and take him away laughing evilily.

Livving room CamPOV ~ Just after Game Room  
Edward and Bella walk in shutting the door to drown out Tanya's screams as a video Emmett does a solo to Womanizer.  
Bella: see Emmett I told you the trap would work!  
Emmett: Ok you won this time  
Emmett hands her $200  
Emmett: So Eddie why did you do the plan of that trap?  
Edward: To catch the Mutt in but I never had the chance  
A snarl is heard upstairs. Everyone looks up. Emmett smiles  
Emmett: Pay back time to my Wifey


	26. Second To Last

**Hey guys! Its. Nearly. The. End!!! One. More. To. Go!!! *Crys***

**Disclamer: I dont own Twilight never did but wish I did**

**Dedications: To everyone who made my days by reviewing, Favouriting, Alerting ect ect. You rock!**

Day 6 Dinning Room CamPOV  
Carlisle is stood with a check board  
Carlisle: Esme returns tomorrow. So by 23 Hundered hours I want this house fixed! So heres my check list: Tanya away from Edward?  
EDward: Check

Game Room CAmPOV  
Tanya still in her makeshift cage with Emmett singing Barbie Girl in a bikni on TV  
Tanya: SAVE ME!!!

Dinning Room CamPOV  
Carlisle: Esme's second car been replaced?  
Emmett not in camera view: Cheack!

Bat Cave CamPOV  
Emmett is stepping out of the car carrying Japser who's tied up  
Jaser: Emmett I'm not drunk this time there is no need for this!  
Emmett: Time for the gag again

Dinning Room CamPOV  
Carlisle: New doors and windows fitted?  
ALice: Cheak!  
Rosalie: Cheak

Sexyest Room In The House CamPOV  
ALice has just fitted the last window. Smiling at Bella whos washing it. Alice get her vision face on. The thing holding Bella up breaks.  
Bella: Crap!  
Alice: Don't worrie Edward I got he- Maybe not!  
Alice jumps out the window once again breaking it

Dinning Room CamPOV  
Carlisle: ....*sigh*

Front Room CamPOV  
Edward runs out the door Rosalie's just fixed. Some of the splinters ripping her dress.  
Rosalie: ...EDWARD YOUR DEAD!

Dinning Room CamPOV  
Carlisle: I won't even bother asking about the new Paino.  
A chrash is heard  
Random Voice not in camera view: Um sir we'll just go get..another piano.  
Edward not in camera veiw: My NEW SWEET BABY!  
Bella not in camera view: I give up Edward I really do!


	27. The End Is Nigh

**PLease Read  
This is it THIS is the end people! I'm sad to see it go :'( BUT if enough people want it there MIGHT be a bonus Chapter :P Thats only if people tell me though.  
Thank you so much guys for making this amasingly fun :D  
Do expect me to send out thank yous to everyone who reviewed more than twice. Guys who added me to favourites and stuff sadley I'm not gonna be able to get to you :( there are too many so thanks and I hope you have a good year.**

**Well some good news! Me and the lovely Starr Studded are WORKING TOGETHER on another comedy story. Once were ready to put it up I will Post it up on this story SO KEEP CHECKING THIS SPACE!**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight and I never did get EDward from Stephanie :'(**

Day 7 ~ Home Comming

Emmett POV  
I don't see why I have to take down the camera's just because I put them up!  
'Emmett your not taking them down I am!' Eddie growled from where I was hoisting him up. Hmph I still have to hoist them mind reading idiot up.  
'Stop growling at me Eddie you sound like a cat in water.'

BellaPOV  
Shes gone home! She's gone home! She's gone home!

Carlisle POV  
Esme will be home soon. She'll kill me if she gets her hands on her those tapes. Hmm how long could I keep Emmett occupied trying to get into my study so I can nad the tapes?  
'He'll Figure it out Carlisle.' Alice shouted. Well fu-

Esme POV  
As I drove up to the house I was hoping that it was in one piece. Well it seemed to be fine from the outside except the Garage looked different some how but I'm not quite sure how. Probably my imagenation thats all I had to keep me company these two weeks. Irina did nothing but mope about Laurent, I've never wanted to bea someone that much since Emmett Played frizbe in the house when we had all that new furnature and dishes...Carmen and Eleazer spent most of their time in their room..nothing to drown the sounds out. Turned out Kate was on holiday somewhere. I'm guessing it was much more interesting here in Forks. I've missed them all so much Carlisle the most, I'm not letting them out of my site for the rest of the day! I left my car in the drive way I didn't know weather or not Tanya had left yet so I didn't see point in parking the car I'm sure she's as eager to get home as I am to see the kids and Carlisle. I turned the handle on the door and steped in looking around the place was spotless as usual but one thing was odd I couldn't see Edward's beloved piano; had he finaly givven it to the museam that had been asking for months? I shut the door behind me. Crash! I saw shards of glass dropping out side from about three window. Did I slam it that bad? I peaked into the dinning room and the door was broken! What is going on! I ran into the garage I knew something had gone on! The whole thing was different including the cars...my other car as well!  
That was it I was fuming but Carlisle was right behind me 'Wheres Emmett'  
'In the front room.' Carlisle said confusidly. I picked up a sharpe peice of a bumpper next to me. Walked into the front room.  
'Oh Emmett I need a word with you.' I smiled pulling out the bumpper from behind my back waving it at him.  
'Gotta go!' He screamed jumping over the back of the sofa and heading out the back door.

JasperPOV  
SEND OUT CALMING WAVES! SEND OUT CLAMING WAVES!

**And thats a wrap OR IS IT read the top and see :P**


	28. Important!

**Don't Ignore!  
****Ok guys the Bonus chapter should be up latter 2night or 2morrow I promise!  
As I mentioned in the last chapter Star Studded and I were co writing a story and this is the one it's kinda like a squel to this it's set after Nessie's birth and once again Emmett has come up with a crazy idea.  
So if you liked WifeSwap you'll like this!**

**Heres the sneak peak!  
'So what's he planning?' I asked scared 'Were all swapping lives. So thats Spring break ruined.' Mom growled. Great me and Jakes week ruined dam it! There was a growl form upstairs both Jack and I looked at my parents 'Guess Rosalie's just realized shes going to be a bit of a slob for the next week.'  
****_Emmett McCarty Cullen I'll castrate you when I pull you down from the roof! _ Rosalie screamed**


	29. Bonus CHapter Cuz I Love You Guys

**Hey guys! Yes this is the long awaited bonus chapter! I've been really tired lately its been a busy week in writing terms!**

**Ok I hope I got to all the reviews with the message I will try with those who did the other stuff but might take a while**

**Cheak out my newest FF thats like this Anything You Can Do I Do Better...I'm co writing it with Star Studded!**

**Discalmer: I don't own Twilight**

MSN

EDward Signed in  
Bella signed in  
Pixie Chick Signed in  
Solidya Boi signed in  
Blonde Beautiful Signed In  
Mama Mia! Signed In  
Cullen, Carlisle Cullen Signed IN

Edward says:  
Bella Mike Newton has just rang and says your on youtube...naked!  
Bella says:  
WHATTTT!  
Pixie Chick says:  
He's putting the Wifeswap on youtube!!! I've just seen it  
Bella says:

Edward says:

Blonde Beauty says:  
A lil late Alice  
Pixie Chick says:  
...Don't judge me!  
Mama Mia say:  
...OH MY CARLISLE WHAT DID HE DO TO MY KITCHEN!  
Solidya Boi says:  
Don't make me computer calm you guys...again  
Cullen, Carlisle Cullen says:  
He's uplaoding it on his computer so we simply get him off it and-

Blonde Beauty signed out

Edward says:  
He just uploaded that video of her dressed as Princess Lila and-

Pixie Chick signed out  
Solidya Boy signed out

Bella says:  
Look at that..All the videos are gone.  
Mama Mia! says:  
My kitchen my beautiful kitchen...he'll pay!

Mama Mia! signed off

Dr Cullen says:  
I don't usually condone this kind of violence but he sent my wife away, knocked me from a window, destoryed my car and the only photo of my Father, kidnaped my monkeys, a-

Dr Cullen signed off

Bella says:

Edward says:  
...Your pregnant I'm bored..nothing bad can happen...wanna carry on 'honey mooning'?

Bella signed off

Edward says:  
...Sweet!

Edward signed off

Oh It's An Emmett Youtube CamPOV

Emmett is panicing looking around constantly.  
Emmett: If you're watching this and I have no other videos on youtube it means my family have got me  
Esme not in camera view: Emmetttt where aree you?  
Emmett looks scared and gulps  
Emmett: Avenge me humans of Youtube AVENGE ME!  
He runs off being chased by the rest of the family (except for Bella and Edward) with paint ball guns looking evil. The a couple of seconds later Jacob runs past with a gun and silver bullets. He walks back smiles and shoots the camera.

**And its a wrap people!**


	30. Special News

**OK People READ THIS!!!!**

**So BiteMeCullenJustDoIt has came up with a cool idea: an Oscar type compotision. Yes I'm been added but she needs more stories SO if you know ANY GOOD ones MAIL her the name. Closind date is Wednesday 1st of April! **

**Get and do as I say or else *Crazy Eyes***

**Haha so yeah randomly If you're a Final Fantasy Crisis Core fan you'll know Genesis so what you think of my coat...HAND MADE by my NAN cuz I'm so cool.....**

.?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=416243305&albumID=139633&imageID=11347858


	31. Update On Bonus Number 2!

**Heya People!**

OK so yes there is the LAST Bonus Chapter in production! It will come out soon I promise.

**The Clue to it is in the first Three chapters of WifeSwap. **

**First FIVE PEOPLE get it right will get a nice sneak peak UNLESS you added me on MYSPACE because you lot have got your sneak peaks garuteed**

So thats it....I got a hair cut the other day that without being straightend give me an Alice look XD  



	32. Sneak Preview People! Not Much Longer!

**Hey guys!**

Ima give you ALL a sneak peak now yes it's nearly finnished and I've done 6 or 7 ideas how I wanted to end it so I've finally settled on an idea and tis nearly ready!

**ALso guys would yah mind crossing your fingers for me since I have to sing Rose Garden By Lynn Anderson (Youtube it. I love Country and Western) at College on my course this week! And the better it goes the quicker the chapter comes up!**

**Heres you're clip**

**Front Room CamPOV  
Bella enters the room and see's a sevenish year old Nessie rocking backwards and forwards in the corner.  
Bella: *Growling* Emmett what the hell have you done to my daughter!  
She picks up Nessie and turns on the tv. Emmett singing Milkshake comes on. Nessie starts screaming  
Nessie: NO! NO! Not the milkshake!  
Bella: *Growling* I thought Edward destroyed that  
Emmett walks in. Bella snarls  
Emmett:...Gotta go!  
A few chrashes are heard**

**Once again guys sorry this is taking so long..I don't want it to end :'(**

**ALso...if you review put I Vote No on it so my friends dont make me dye my hair Blonde and dress like Rufus Shinra :P**


	33. Bonus ChapterThis Is The End

**Hey guys! SO this is it :'( Thanks so much to everyone who read, reviewed and Favourited it!... P.S Theres a new funny FF on the way =P**

**Last disclamer: I Don't own Twilight never will**

Yard CamPOV  
Edward and Bella are hugging. Emmett is holding a sevenish year old Nessie  
Edward: Don't leave her in the fridge again  
Bella: Or play parachute  
Nessie: Aww I like that game  
Edward: ...  
Bella: ...Emmett if I have to use my new born streght.  
Emmett: ...Sssh Nessie and we'll play sugar high  
Edward growls Bella snarls  
Emmett: Fine...Ultimate fire ball?  
EDward: ...  
Bella: ...  
Emmett: *Sigh* Dress up then  
Bella and Edward get in the new Volvo and drive away  
Emmett: ...Set the werewolf on fire it is then  
Nessie: ...No uncle Emmett, Just no

Game Room CamPOV  
Loud bangings are heard  
Carlisle: Esme dear what are you doing?  
Esme: Building a trap my sweet  
Carlise: ...  
Bangings increse  
Carlisle: Why are you building a trap  
Esme: Because we have a visitor comming  
Carlisle: ...  
Rosalie pops up and hands Esme a saw. Carlisle raises an eyebrow  
Rosalie: Tanya is comming to visit  
Carlisle: ...  
Rosalie: Esme wants revenge for the WifeSwap fiasco  
Carlisle: I'm going to my study...

Front Room CamPOV  
Bella enters the room and see's Nessie rocking backwards and forwards in the corner.  
Bella: *Growling* Emmett what the hell have you done to my daughter!  
She picks up Nessie and turns on the tv. Emmett singing Milkshake comes on. Nessie starts screaming  
Nessie: NO! NO! Not the milkshake!  
Bella: *Growling* I thought Edward destroyed that  
Emmett walks in. Bella snarls  
Emmett:...Gotta go!  
A few chrashes are heard

Spawn And Mutt Feeding Room CamPOV ~ Just as Emmett runs out  
Emmett NICV: ...Gotta go!  
Emmett runs in trips over Nessie's doll house and goes head first into the China cabinate and through the door smashing both to peices.  
Carlisle: Two years...that video was locked up...two years the house stayed in one peice  
Emse lays a hand on his shoulder  
Esme: Calm down Carlisle it can be-...EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN YOU RUINED MY CHINA!  
Emmett: Gotta go!  
Emmett stand up and runs outside. Tanya walks in  
Tanya: Hello everyone. Esme it's been to long since we have seen each other.  
Esme: It has, it has. We just had our games room refurbished would you like to come and see?  
Esme and Tanya walk off. A few moments later a scream is heard  
Esme NICV: How'd you like me now Bitc-

Livving Room CamPOV  
Everyone except Nessie, Tanya and Jake are sceen around the fire where the WifeSwap video is burning. A loud howl of pain reaches them.  
Alice: What the hell was that?  
Japser: Happiness, Smugness, Sadness...all comming from Rosalie  
Everyone looks at her  
Jacob NICV: Get me the hell out of here blondie!  
Rosalie *smirking*: I helped Esme so I could trap the mutt  
A loud clicking noise goes off and the howl sounds again  
Rosalie: And there goes the paint balls...

**Finnishedo**


	34. New Story!

**Heya People!**

Due to the vote I've done a Cullen MSN or AIM!

**I'm also working on a new story that should be up in a couple of days!**

**Anything You Do has been removed untill I can speak with Star Studded.**

Thats it me thinks.....HAPPY EASTER!

**Rufus Shinra**


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